rarh! i just felt like blogging again. i'm feeling so darn emotional. i'm sad, scared, frustrated and eff-ing lost.

i'm feeling super darn effing scared about my damn appeal tmr. what if it doesnt get through?! if it doesn't, i'll have no where to go and there goes my future. HAH! so much for thinking positive the past year. results don't come when i need them to. examples? psle, i worked hard but it came out like shit. yeah yeah, it doesn't count but it does to me. for the past 3 years in sss i was supposed to perform in JUMPS, but yet again i peak at the wrong time. instead of doing well at nationals, i only did well in national juniors and that doesnt do much good for me because of that, my bloody dsa won't get through cause i sucked SO DAMN badly during nationals this year. i feel as though i let coach down. hurr.. out of almost everyone in the jumps team im like a freaking loser since i don't seem to have any SPECTACULAR chievements. gah. what do you get for being 4th and 10th. ZILCH. i ran well doing the relay,s yeah but i'm a JUMPER, not a RUNNER or SPRINTER. i can't even match up to the rest. running beside my juniors just makes it even worst. i feel like some shit loser who can't do anything right or have anything going my way. if my appeal doesnt get through. i'm deadmeat, screwed and some shit up thing. O's are coming in 3 bloody weeks and what am i doing? hur hur. of all times to feel so damn unmotivated and unfocused. is hardworking going to get me anywhere? not at the moment. everything is about results results results. gahhh. damn the society.

that's 3 years of frustrations for you. finally i managed to let it all out but HAH it doesn't seem to make me feel better.