Know what I feel like?
A Failure. It's really hard to watch yourself getting slower, lousier, stagnant. Like how some things wear and tear, that's exactly how I feel about myself. Slowly being degraded. Just a simple race, a small tiny stupid race could do SO much to affect me. Watching someone surpass you while you make no progress. That feeling, I can barely describe how it makes me feel.

I don't want to show how much it affects me. I feel like I don't have a right to complain, be miserable and moody when there are people much more worst off than I. This problem, it's so small compared to theirs. How could I complain? And so I continue to laugh, smile and joke, putting on a mask, a facade. Hiding my inner feelings, let it continue to eat me inside out. That's one big fault of mine. Pride. I can't lose. I hate it. I feel like a failure.

What I really need now is a nice shoulder or just someone here who is able to peel off that mask. For now, just someone.

Labels: facade.