It's really amazing how loud your thoughts can be when you're just by yourself. Listening to all the rumble and jumble, reminiscing the memories, thoughts of the future.. the list goes on. Found myself in that situation when I was on a really long bus ride to the airport. I kept reflecting on the past, looking at how I was, who I was, the people I met, the friends I had and compare then to now. Was I some superficial being? Was I happier then? Was it my fault that friends come and go so quickly.. maybe I just didn't fit in quite right..

Seriously, I feel like I'm a really superficial person, or just a fake sometimes. People tell me that I smile and laugh all the time. But I realised, sometimes that smile and laugh isn't genuine at all. It's juts a cover up so that I'll seem happy. I don't know.. I DO want to feel happy, like that pastor said during camp, affirmation is practically an addiction. I hate the feeling of disappointment, regrets and failure.. I know everyone does too but its exception for me.

Gah, I don't know what I'm saying anymore. (I think I really hate it when the year ends cause I get so darn emo and.. whatever..) So I'll just stop ranting about my thoughts and talk about my happy days.

Lets see..
Church camp was on the 17th-20th Dec. I have to say that I was actually dreading it and feeling really unprepared. I also was not enlightened about anything but sermon was just a reminder for me of what I should really be doing. I know what I should be doing, it's just that I'm too afraid or simply UNWILLING to give myself up. I need some serious QT. Other than that, camp was somewhat better because of the company I had (: I was really glad to know more people and got to know them better than just Hi, Bye friends. Thought my group was pretty awesome :D Food Race was 'Da Best'! haha. I'm gonna go back for more.

Had a class christmas party on the 21st. It was a success?? Ha! Surprisingly there was no alcohol. Haha. Met up with my first 3 months classmates which was great. Played Rock Band which was AWESOME! Had a stayover at shannon's place and watched soccer -.- Well, at least it was a good match. Liverpool's goal was awesome.

23rd dec was the supposed "cheesecake date" with Sheila (: BUT!!!! Cheesecake cafe was closed, and the apparent good cheesecake shop at GWC was not there. Haha. Had an awesome time with Sheila and Gomez talking about our past ( I feel old ). Laughed like hell at Gomez. GOMEZ THE CHINESE :D yeah. Oh we watched JX's performance. haha :D so cute.

Breakfast date with Lu, Angie and Megan this morning :D it was raining which SUCKED. Even though the time we spent together was really short, it was throughly enjoyable (:

Well, that's all for now. Candlelight Service later. PLEASE STOP RAINING!
See ya.